Taming Your Big Feelings

Fear, anger, and sorrow — these are some of the emotions people often have trouble controlling, so they are deemed negative and ignored. While facing these “big feelings” can be uncomfortable, there’s one simple exercise we can use to put us back in the driver’s seat.

Coined by renowned psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Siegel, Name It to Tame It suggests that by putting a name to our emotions, we can start to better understand and regulate them. 

When we can articulate what we're feeling, we create a healthy distance from the emotion. This allows us to observe and respond constructively, rather than being hijacked by its intensity and feeling out of control.

And there is a science behind this, too. The brain’s prefrontal cortex is responsible for cognitive functions like impulse control, comprehension, reasoning, creativity, and problem-solving. Meanwhile, below the cortex are the brainstem and the limbic system, often referred to as the “lizard brain”. The limbic system governs our emotions, motivation, and fight-flight-freeze response.

Both of these areas of the brain are necessary for day-to-day functions. However, our “lizard brain” is more primitive, wired with old circuitry that can sometimes overreact to situations that don’t require a fight-or-flight response. When this happens, the stress hormone known as cortisol floods our body. Often, this can cause us to lash out suddenly or fall into a spiral of negative thoughts.

Dr. Siegel explains that naming our emotions as we feel them re-activates the brain’s prefrontal cortex, bringing back higher-level functions like reasoning and impulse control. This simple act also elicits a physiological response: the brain releases neurotransmitters that soothe the limbic system, helping us to regain control.

Name It to Tame It is an effective tool for navigating intense emotional experiences. With practice, we can master our big feelings and step into a more conscious, intentional way of life.