Loneliness in Grief: When Loss Feels Like Silence

By Kelly Penner Hutton, Psychologist & EMDR Trainer

Grief has a way of pulling people inward. Even when we're surrounded by others, the world can feel quiet — like a part of it has gone missing. And in that silence, loneliness often moves in.

This kind of loneliness isn’t always about being physically alone. It’s the emotional experience of being unseen, of not knowing how to share what you’re carrying — or of feeling like others have moved on while you’re still trying to breathe through the ache.

Why Loneliness and Grief Go Hand in Hand

Grief changes the way we see the world, and it changes the way the world sees us. People don’t always know what to say. The support that once felt strong may drift away. And often, those grieving feel the need to “be okay” for others — even when they’re not.

The truth is, grief can be incredibly lonely. It can feel like the person you used to lean on is gone, and now you’re left holding the weight without them. Or maybe you're grieving a version of yourself or your life that no longer exists — and it feels like no one understands.

This is not a flaw in you. This is part of grief.

And it’s important to remember: grief doesn’t follow a timeline.

You don’t “get over” a loss — you learn to carry it differently. Grief evolves over time, but it doesn’t disappear. Even after long stretches where you feel and function well, a memory, a song, a season, or a scent can bring the loss right back into focus. It may feel like a wave crashing out of nowhere. That doesn’t mean you’re back at the beginning — it means you’re human.

You Don’t Have to Carry It Alone

One of the most healing things we can do in grief is let someone witness it. You don’t need to explain it perfectly or be “strong.” You just need space where you don’t have to hide how much it hurts.

That might look like:

• Talking to a trusted friend or therapist

• Sharing a memory of your person or pet with someone who will listen

• Attending a support group or grief-informed workshop

• Journaling your experience so your feelings have somewhere to land

If you’re not ready to talk, that’s okay too. Even small acts of connection — sitting with someone in silence, receiving a text that says “thinking of you,” or hearing someone say, “You don’t have to be okay today” — can help soften the edges of loneliness.

For Those Supporting Someone in Grief

If someone you care about is grieving a loss, don’t underestimate the power of your presence. You don’t need the perfect words. You don’t need to fix anything.

Here are a few things you can say:

• “I’m thinking about you today. There is no pressure to respond but know that I am here and ready to spend time with you when you are ready.”

• “I don’t know what to say, but I care. I can sit with you even when we don’t talk.”

• “Would you like company, even if we don’t talk much?”

Grief doesn’t need fixing — it needs witnessing.

If you're feeling lonely in your grief right now, know this: You’re not alone in feeling alone. There are others who understand, who have felt that ache, and who can hold space for it with you.

There is no “normal” timeline. You are allowed to grieve in your own way, in your own time. Some days will feel lighter. Some may still bring tears or overwhelming emotions. And both are part of your healing.

At Peace of Mind Therapy, we honour all forms of grief — and we hold space for the silence, the sadness, and the stories that may feel hard to share. You don’t have to carry this on your own.