Mental Health and Skill Development
Remember when you were learning how to drive? Figuring out the timing and the amount of pressure to place on the pedals. Switching gears, if you drove a stick shift. Parking without hitting the curb. These likely have frustrated you at some point, with stalled engines and the car either rolling backward or jerking forward being universal experiences for first-time drivers.
At the core of learning any new skill lies repetition and gradual progress. Whether we're trying to pick up a new sport, a foreign language, or a musical instrument — the path to proficiency is paved with consistent practice and a willingness to embrace the journey, especially when progress feels slow or unsteady.
This same principle applies to building the resilience needed to navigate life’s curveballs. By approaching our mental health with the same dedication and patience we'd apply to learning any other skill, we can retrain our nervous system and develop more effective coping mechanisms.
If you’ve ever tried to learn the piano, at first you might’ve been frustrated at how your fingers struggled to find the right keys. But you know that with each succeeding practice session, muscle memory is doing its magic. Over time, your movements become more natural and fluid.
This also happens when we try to develop our emotional and mental health skills. Through repeated practice, we build a repertoire of strategies we can use to manage stress, anxiety, depression, or any other mental health challenge that may be weighing down on us. Like how a pianist learns to anticipate and respond to the flow of music, we can learn to anticipate and soothe the triggers that can disrupt our state of mind.
Self-awareness is the key to this transformative process. By cultivating a deeper understanding of our thoughts, emotions, and even bodily sensations, we can recognize our patterns and identify the root causes of our struggles. And, when we truly know ourselves, we are empowered to make more compassionate choices, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and gain insight into when to use them.
For example, someone dealing with anxiety may notice that their heart rate rises and their palms become sweaty when faced with a particular trigger, like public speaking. Rather than fall into a hyperaroused state, a person who has practiced self-awareness would acknowledge the situation and use breathing exercises or visualization techniques to interrupt the anxiety response.
At the same time, people with anxiety can also use these regulation tools in other aspects of their lives. Visualizing during morning meditation can improve their focus, motivation, and energy throughout the day, and doing breathwork while going for a walk or before bed can help them become more attuned to the present moment — reducing their likelihood of getting caught up in a spiral of negative thoughts in the long run. Their “self-regulation muscle” strengthens, much like the pianist's muscle memory, allowing the individual to manage their anxiety with more ease and grace.
This concept of transferable coping skills allows us to build a powerful toolkit for keeping our thoughts and emotions in check anytime we need to. Just as divers practice gymnastic techniques in their dryland training — whether to perfect a particular dive or learn a new one that’s too unnerving to try in the water — we can take our existing skills to improve other areas of our lives.
So when you’re forced to face anxiety-inducing situations, the grounding exercises you’ve cultivated during yoga or meditation would be at your disposal. Similarly, the journaling habits and calming techniques you've developed to process grief and other difficult emotions become your go-to for navigating the daily pressures of the workplace. Over time, you’d be able to approach both low-stress and high-stress situations with the same level of clarity and mindfulness.
The skills we use to manage our mental health also shape the way we engage with the world around us, including our closest relationships.
The way we approach our disagreements with others has a significant impact on our psychological state. Humans are social creatures, and it makes sense how poor interpersonal relationships can lead to higher risks of developing mental health issues.
Noel Hunter, author and clinical psychologist, says unhealthy conflict resolution looks like a “battle to be won” where people throw accusations and raise their voices in a desperate attempt to be heard. Unresolved conflicts can also breed anxiety, resentment, and a sense of emotional turmoil that spills over to other areas of our lives.
The good news is that like any other skill, the ability to effectively resolve conflicts can be learned and developed. This empowers you to transform conflict into an opportunity for growth and deeper connection.
The Thomas-Kilmann conflict management model breaks down the way people interact with interpersonal issues into five different styles:
Avoid: This is when someone withdraws from the conflict entirely, choosing to ignore or sidestep the issue. While this may seem like an easy solution at the moment, it leaves the underlying problem unresolved.
Compete: This approach is characterized by an assertive, win-at-all-costs mentality. Someone using the competing mode is solely focused on getting their own needs met, without regard for the other person's perspective.
Accommodate: On the flip side, the accommodating mode involves giving in to the other person's wishes, often at the expense of one's own needs. While this can maintain temporary harmony, it can also lead to resentment over time.
Compromise: In this mode, both parties make concessions in order to reach a middle ground. While no one gets everything they want, this strategy aims for a fair outcome.
Collaborate: This is often considered the most desirable approach. Collaborating involves both parties working together to find a solution that meets the core needs of everyone involved.
Effective communication is crucial in navigating conflict. Try using "I" statements to share your perspective, and make an effort to actively listen to understand the other person's point of view. Timing is important, too. It's best to have those tougher conversations when you're both calm and receptive.
Additionally, don't be afraid to "agree to disagree" on certain issues. Some differences may simply be a matter of personal preference or values, and finding a way to accept those differences can lead to a healthier relationship dynamic.
As we learn and apply these techniques, we improve our self-awareness and the ability to regulate our emotions.
Rather than lashing out, going into defensive mode, or isolating ourselves to avoid the conflict entirely, we’re able to remain calm and attuned to our own needs as well as those of others. We're able to articulate our boundaries, process our feelings, and find mutually satisfactory solutions. All of this positively impacts our mental health and overall quality of life.
Developing healthy coping mechanisms is similar to learning any other skill. Managing our expectations is just as important as celebrating our milestones. Growth rarely follows a linear path, and setbacks or plateaus are simply a natural part of the journey.
The path to self-mastery involves gradual progression, with each step building upon the last. Even Olympic weightlifters didn’t immediately try to lift three times their body weight. No one starts out as the finished product. In the same way, developing mental health skills requires time and dedication.
Embracing this simple fact can make all the difference in keeping our motivation. It's easy to get discouraged when we encounter roadblocks or when progress seems slow, but it's important to remember that skill development, whether physical or mental, is a journey, not a destination.
Just as weightlifters feel a sense of accomplishment in being able to lift a few more pounds than they did yesterday, we can learn to find joy in the progress we make — no matter how small. Ultimately, the key is to approach this process with compassion and an open mind.
References
Johns Hopkins Medicine. (n.d.). Develop battery coping skills. Called to Care. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/about/community-health/johns-hopkins-bayview/services/called-to-care/develop-battery-coping-skills
Seddighi, H., Khamseh, M. E., & Nasiri, M. (2020). The role of coping strategies in the relationship between perceived stress and mental health among medical students. BMC Psychology, 8(1), 10. https://capmh.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13034-020-00318-6
Talkspace. (2020, October 12). Conflict resolution: Strategies for effective conflict management. https://www.talkspace.com/blog/conflict-resolution/
Verywell Mind. (2021, August 12). The toll of conflict in relationships: How it affects mental health. https://www.verywellmind.com/the-toll-of-conflict-in-relationships-3144952
Washington University in St. Louis. (n.d.). Developing healthy coping skills for resilience. Human Resources. https://hr.wustl.edu/developing-healthy-coping-skills-for-resilience/